I'm not sure if anyone realized it yet, surely my mom didn't,
but I have a serious problem of personality-disorder.
Well, to specify it, bi-polar disorder.
Some people would say I'm 'tsundere', which in term, I sort of am,
just in a way, but no, I'm not really tsundere. *throw popcorn Mai*
I'm serious, this problem sucks,
really, it does.
It's hard to live with it!
Especially when YOUR OWN MOM DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM.
I CAN'T control myself!
I HARDLY can.
And I just thought, maybe at home, I can just be whoever I want-
WITHOUT BEING FUCKING JUDGE.
But apparently, I just found out, NO.
I cannot be who I want.
I must control my fucking uncontrollable-personality.
Which part of BI-POLAR do you FUCKING NOT UNDERSTAND!?
I CAN'T SPEAK WHATEVER I WANT-
I just CAN'T ADMIT THINGS!
It's not that I DON'T want to it's that I CAN'T.
So you think I'm doing all these on purpose?
I mental stab myself every single time for fun.
I literally nearly died bawling into my pillow every now and then JUST BECAUSE I DID IT PURPOSE.
SURE.
I'm just some stupid person giving up on life because I feel like it.
(Note sarcasms)
You have no idea that it HURTS.
It FUCKING hurts.
Sometime I wish I can just sleep into oblivion and NEVER wake up, ever again.
No one, I mean NO ONE, ever really tried to understand me.
Understanding a person doesn't MEAN you go straight up to them and ask them to just blurt it out to you,
YOU NITWITS!
If people like me can just blurt it out to you,
WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM NOW WOULD WE?!
ASDFGHJKL WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST UNDERSTAND?!
Nobody is the same!
You can expect us to be all polite, nice, kind, smart, sweet, caring, etc.
And sometimes, most of the time, WE NEVER GET TO CHOOSE.
SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND OBSERVE INSTEAD OF JUST ASK, ASK, ASK.
NO ONE CHOOSE HOW THEY LOOK, WHERE THEY'RE BORN, WHAT THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE, WHEN THEY'RE TO BORN!
This is just me...can't ANYONE accept it?
No, no one ever did know me, me as in just me.
I've been living in a mask of my own.
It sucks, it hurts, it just doesn't feel right.
Sometimes, some things just can't be change for whether by force or by will. Isn't that life? Why can't people get it?
